Q:Someone who I've know for years just died in a car accident. I used to kinda be friends with her, but she was always really mean to me. [She bit me. Twice.] Everyone is all so sad about her death and stuff and I'm just over here thinking that I'm some monster for being glad that I don't have to be bullied by her anymore. I think I'm trying to treat it like she's just moved away. Does that sound familiar? [Thank you so much for running this blog. It's helped me a lot. ^^]
I don’t think you’re a monster for being relieved that you won’t be bullied anymore. Notice that you didn’t say you were glad that she’s dead, but specifically that you’re glad that the possibility of her abusing you further has been removed by her death.
It sounds like a complex emotional situation. On the one hand, we’re conditioned to believe that we should always be sad when someone dies. On the other hand, feeling compassion or empathy for an abuser, even after they’re dead, is hard/impossible for most people.
If you find yourself having a hard time coping with your feelings, it may help to talk to someone who isn’t involved in the situation and who is experienced with grief counseling. Grieving can be a very complex and fluid process and there is no ‘right way’ to feel when someone dies.
tl;dr Your reaction to her death sounds like a normal thing given the circumstances. Don’t beat yourself up about it and don’t be afraid to ask for help with processing your feelings if you need it.
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- theclockworkphoenix said: Something VERY similar happened to me earlier this year. It’s def. a weird situation to be in but your feelings are totally valid, anon — and my ask is open if you want it :3
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